![]() Un Simenon quasi tenero, ed espansivo, che ho sentito il bisogno di leggere nei primi tempi del mio percorso psicoterapeutico, quando l’attenzione è volta molto a rivivere l’ambiente familiare (non che poi si allontani molto da quel grembo). Un Simenon insolito, nulla a che vedere coi suoi romans-durs o con Maigret. Vincent van Gogh: Il cortile dell’ospedale di Arles, 1889. Perché? Che origini aveva questa abitudine? Non so. Ho trascorso l’infanzia, l’adolescenza insieme a te, sotto lo stesso tetto, e quando a diciannove anni ti ho lasciata, sono partito per Parigi, eri ancora un’estranea per me.ĭel resto, mai ti ho chiamata mamma, ti chiamavo madre, neanche mio padre l’ho mai chiamato papà. I don’t know where you are in this world, who your with, let alone what your last name even is anymore but I hope for your sake you realize what you missed out on.Cara mamma, tre anni e mezzo sono passati da quando, a novantun anni, sei morta, e ora soltanto, forse, comincio a capirti. I can’t promise I’ll be the perfect mom but I’ll make sure I never turn out like you. I’ll love then with my whole heart and soul, I’ll be there for them always because I know how it feels not have a mother to run too. When and if I have children I will never walk out on them, I’ll never leave them feeling like there not good enough or worthy of my love. It’s also given me a bond with my two sisters that most siblings wish they could have with there own, because of your absence they were my mother figures, my role models, my best of friends and for that I also thank you because those two ladies are amazing wise women and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Your absence has given me a bond with my dad that could never be broken and also has taught me to be very grateful and thankful for that man. ![]() Thank you for teaching me to be there for myself because I learned from you that people leave and that’s okay because at the end of the day I’ll always have me. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally, despite all the pain and suffering you put me through your absence has taught me to love unconditionally. As I grow older I find myself not feeling guilty about it anymore but finding myself being thankful for your absence. I’ll never have the memory of your awesome homemade cooking or even what your favorite shade of nail polish was because you were never there for me to. I’ll never know what it feels like to have a close mother daughter bond, having a mom to run to when i got kissed by a boy for the first time or a mom to cry to because Suzy was spreading rumors about me. Your not the only one that missed out on memories or experiences but I did too. Do you realize how lonley it was going to muffins with mom and not having a mom to have a muffin with? Or what its like to tell people ” I never grew up with my mom so I don’t know how that feels”. You’ll never get experience what its like to wash a dirty softball uniform after a long day of tournaments or what its like to braid my hair before dance. You never got to experience the excitement my dad did when I tied my shoe for the first time or I read my first book. I’m sorry you missed out on not only my childhood and teenage years but im sorry you missed out on my life. Im sorry, i know it seems silly for me to be the one apologizing seems how you were the one who was never there for me but I’m sorry.
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